Working with Anger: Card Exercises for Clients Who Shut Down

Anger management activities work best with clients who shut down when they start from distance, not confrontation. Metaphorical cards give anger a shape outside the body: the client points at an image instead of naming a feeling they were taught to hide. From there you can explore its size, its message and safer ways to let it move.

Why some clients go quiet around anger

Many clients never learned that anger is allowed. In some families it was dangerous; in others it simply wasn't spoken. These clients arrive saying they are "fine", "a bit tired" or "just frustrated", and a direct question — "Are you angry?" — often closes the door further. Their shutdown is protective, not resistant, and it deserves respect.

Projective images help because they lower the stakes. Talking about a storm cloud, a clenched fist of rock or a kettle near the boil is easier than saying "I'm furious with my mother." The client stays in charge of how close they come to the feeling. If you want the theory behind this, our piece on why images bypass our defenses covers it in more depth.

Before you begin: setting a safe frame

• Name the pace. Tell the client they can stop, skip a card or stay with something neutral at any point.
• Keep the cards wordless. Text on a card suggests a "right" reading. The meaning belongs to the client — this is not fortune-telling, and the card predicts nothing.
• Check the body. Agree on a simple signal for "too much", and have a grounding card or object ready.
• Normalise anger. A sentence like "Anger usually shows up to protect something" gives permission without pressure.

Exercise 1: The weather report

How it works

Spread 15–20 landscape or nature images face up. Ask: "If what's happening inside you this week were weather, which picture comes closest?" Then let the client describe the scene, not the feeling: How loud is it? How long has it been building? Is anyone else in the picture?

Clients who say "I'm not angry" will often choose thunderheads, a flooded river or dry cracked earth. You don't need to interpret. Reflect back what they said about the image and wait. The Nature's Whisper deck works well here because weather and landscape carry emotional charge without any human faces.

Exercise 2: What is the anger guarding?

How it works

Once the client has an image for the anger, invite a second card: "Find a picture of what this anger might be protecting." Typical answers are a small animal, a closed door, a garden, a child's toy. This shifts the conversation from "my anger is bad" to "my anger has a job."

This is close to parts work, and if your client responds to it, you can continue with ideas from our guide to IFS with metaphorical cards. Many clients soften noticeably when they see that the thing they feared in themselves has been standing guard for years.

Exercise 3: Turning the volume dial

How it works

Lay three cards in a row: the anger as it is now, the anger at its loudest, and the anger at a level the client could live with. Ask what changes between the first and third picture. What would need to happen? Who would need to hear something? What would the client do with their body?

This is especially useful for clients who swing between silence and explosion. It shows that there is a middle range — and that it can be practised. The Faces & Expressions deck is helpful for the third card, when the client is ready to look at how anger might show on a face without frightening anyone.

Exercise 4: The unsent message

How it works

Ask the client to choose a card that represents the person or situation the anger is about. Then invite them to say — out loud or in writing — what the anger would want that card to know. Nothing gets sent. The card simply receives it.

End by asking the client to choose one card for what they need now: rest, support, movement, distance. This closes the exercise on care rather than on the raw feeling.

Working online

All four exercises translate well to video. In collaborative mode you and your client see the same cards, and the client can drag images into a row while you watch the choices unfold. Some shutdown clients find the screen a helpful extra layer of distance — they talk more freely when the "storm" sits between you rather than in the room.

Limits worth naming

• Cards are a doorway, not a treatment plan. If anger is linked to violence, risk to others or active trauma, follow your clinical and safeguarding protocols first.
• Don't push catharsis. A client who finally names anger quietly has done significant work.
• Watch for shame after the session. A short check-in at the start of the next one — "How was it to talk about that?" — often matters more than the exercise itself.

A gentle start

You don't need a special anger deck. Any set of wordless, emotionally varied images will do, and the client's own words carry the meaning. Browse the MindTrays decks to find images that suit your clients, and try the weather report in your next session.

— MindTrays Team